Last Christmas together

Funny since writing last night I can't seem to stop thinking about things that happened in my past.. What seems like someone else's life, definitely not mine, how could it really be mine? How did I get through it?

 It was the last Christmas I spent with my mom and dad... I was 5 years old, yet it's the first Christmas I ever remember, kind of sad..
 There were weeks leading up to Christmas Eve that we had no decorations up.. I remember going to visit my friends in the neighborhood for play dates, and they all had lights up outside their homes, beautiful Christmas wreaths hanging on their doors, and lovely Christmas trees up already with gifts under them.. I would ask my parents where our tree was, where were all our decorations. My dad said that Santa would bring us a tree on Christmas Eve. Lol really!? I thought what made us so special that Santa would hand deliver a Christmas tree to our place. He said that I was the best behaved little girl and I would get the greatest tree around. I didn't believe him, I don't even think I believed in Santa anymore for that matter.. I just wanted regular decorations, and a regular tree.. I didn't see the point in getting it the day of Christmas Eve, what was the point in having it up for one day?
 The morning of Christmas Eve my dad came into my room and asked me to get up and get dressed and to come downstairs to see if the tree had arrived.. I jumped out of bed as he disappeared downstairs. I got dresses, brushed my hair and teeth with so much excitement I could burst out screaming.

If you know me, you know that my emotions are more heightened than the regular person.. I was excited!!

I ran downstairs and my mom was in the kitchen, but there was No Christmas tree in the living room... No decorations up.. Nothing!
 I yelled "Mommy! Where is the tree"!? I wanted to cry I was suddenly so upset.. She came to me and in a very optimistic voice she said "I'm not sure, let's check the backyard".. As we walked to the sliding doors that led to the yard, I remember thinking where is daddy? I never mentioned it cause I didn't want to take the attention away from what we were doing and finding this tree.. As my mom opened our dark brown curtain, I grabbed it and pulled it back as fast as I could. Nope..... No tree. "See mommy, we should have gotten a tree" Once again that familiar frog was creeping into my throat, as I whipped away in frustration towards the couch to cry. What is wrong with these people? Of course Santa isn't going to give us a Tree, why didn't we just get our own like every other normal family? I didn't understand why my parents decided to wait this long for something that wasn't going to happen.
 Out of no where there was a thud at the window, and my mom looked out. "Ilene, come look" I jumped off the couch to see.
 And in the middle of the yard there it was!!! A gorgeous full real Christmas tree.. "How did that happen?" I said.. "We just looked out" Suddenly my dad was behind us and said "what's going on over here?"
 "Daddy! You were right" "mommy and I just looked and there was no tree and now it's here. How did it get there Daddy?"  He simply replied "Magic" That's all he had to say. I believed him.

 After getting the tree into the house the three of us started to decorate it, and the entire house. My mom put Christmas music on. We danced, sang, and played around.
We made chocolate chip cookies for Santa, and my dad decided he had to test them out before we set them out for Santa. Oh this man had a weakness for his chocolate chip cookies.. He'd eat the entire package if you left it in front of him.
 So we all had a few and saved one for Santa. We figured we were the ones doing all this hard work, we deserved a treat!
 We hung tinsel on the ceiling, bulbs on the tree along with homemade decorations my mom and I made together. And an amazing angel on the top that lit up.
 They were right! It was the greatest day I remember with them. Our home was like a home out of the books, out of the movies. It sparkled, and smelled like Christmas.

 My mom did my hair and got me all dressed up into a pretty dress, after getting herself ready. When she got ready she went all out! By far the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She would line her eyes with liner and shadow, curl her eye lashes after putting on dark red lipstick which made her perfect lips look like a movie stars.
 After getting all dolled up her and I were out for the Christmas Eve service at an Anglican church downtown that she liked to go to.
 I didn't know to much about Jesus and I didn't get how come the entire world would celebrate the birthday of a man who wasn't even alive anymore. I didn't care though, it was fun. I got to spend time with my mom and sing, even go to a special class where I got to make more decorations for our tree!

The next morning was a dream!
I woke up and ran into their room yelling it's Christmas, it's Christmas!!! My parents got up right away. My dad went downstairs to prepare breakfast, while my mom helped me get into my dress, and she quickly pinned my hair up in a bow. I guess for pictures.
We went downstairs and it was amazing! And oh man the decorations, and all the gifts filled me with so much happiness, and excitement. I ran beside the tree where we left the cookie and milk for Santa, sure enough it was gone.. "Did he really eat it Mommy?" "It's gone isn't it" she replied.. Alright I thought, just wanting to get to the gifts.
I got everything I could dream of, from a barbie house and barbies, to a talking Teddy Rupskin, a huge toboggan, dress up princess clothes.
 It was perfect.

Wow.... Writing this is hard. I haven't thought about this part of my life in so long. Funny how you sometimes decide to just not go there.. To push memories deep into your mind, and forget about them..

Done for now